Parenting Parallels to Therapy

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As a parent I have noticed there are a number of different camps in parenthood literature: ones that espouse behavioural modification shaping (i.e. cry it out in terms of sleep) and others who espouse attachment/ child-led philosophies that tend to emphasize the child’s innate ability to know what they need and face natural consequences. As a parents I have found wisdom in both of these camps.

Similarly in working as a therapist I have found competing theories in working with clients with what psychiatrists often call “behavioural issues”, or “personality disorders”.

These are clients who for whatever reason (often poor attachment growing up, but not always) employ coping mechanisms that keep them stuck in a negative emotional state over the long-haul and often involve intensive contact with the psychiatric system. Some approaches demand a very rigorous and structured approach, and others espouse a focus on the creation of re-creating an attachment relationship over many years in therapy.

In working with these clients, you are often presented with dilemmas familiar to being a parent to a child who has temper tantrums, misbehaves at school, or directs anger inwards at themselves. How do I respond to problematic behaviour and strong emotions in a way that shows love and respect ? How do I respond so that I do not inadvertently make the problem worse rather than better ?

However, unlike parents, I do not have the same amount of time, nor even trust with such clients; I might see my client one hour per week, rather than working with them 24 hours a day. In addition, the clinical situations I face require decisions that force me to balance the risks between encouraging positive change in the long-term, and short-term safety risks (i.e. suicide). I am usually the most recent therapist of a long list of helpers and caregivers that have tried to help them and have given up, left for other reasons, or passed them on to another care provider.

I am by no means an expert in helping these complex clients, but I do care about them and would aim to work therapeutically for their benefit and recovery.In my effort to try and be a contributing force for good in the my work I hope to actively process reflections from various books on this blog, beginning with “Doing Dialectical Therapy” by Kelly Koerner (2012).

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One thought on “Parenting Parallels to Therapy

  1. A very interesting parallel as you will also find there are different challenge and approaches at different ages of a child as I’m sure there are at different times working with your clients. Thanks for sharing.

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